…behind eating disorders.
No, eating disorders are NOT glamorous. In the media, the glamorization of eating disorders, weight loss and obsessions around being thin is not healthy. When imagining a person with an eating disorder, too often people create an image of a very delicate, thin being. You do not have to be thin to have an eating disorder. If someone ever tries to open up to you, never make the mistake of saying ‘well, you don’t look like you have an eating disorder?’.
Binge eating, bulimia and anorexia are three deadly illnesses. The psychological effects these mental health issues can have on both the individual and their families are shocking. As someone suffering with an eating disorder you let yourself believe you are ok, you feel you know exactly what you are doing, you tell yourself you are ‘in control’. Everything will be ok when you reach that strong point, that… ‘perfect weight‘. This is where your hope lies, a stone lighter and happier than you where before. In your head, you imagine how amazing you will feel, how beautiful people will think you are because you’re finally ‘thin’. Nobody wants to be friends with the ‘fat’ girl which is ridiculously what you let yourself believe. You get paranoid when you hear whispers and laughs thinking of course they are aimed at you. Its so tiring putting on a brave face when all you want to do is curl up into a little ball and cry. Lying to everyone about what your doing, sneaking around, getting so used to the lies you actually begin to believe them yourself. You put yourself in the most vulgar situations
Its mad how mental health illnesses can literally take over your life, I cannot stress to you enough just how scary that is. As a person it changes you, your personality feels as though its disappeared. Constantly feeling sad and being unable to remember the last time you properly smiled and meant it. Your anxiety creates a wall between you and society leaving you completely alone. Late night trips to the hospital are never fun… after having another uncontrollable panic attack that hits you out of the blue. Literally not being able to take a breath, tears uncontrollably pouring down your cheeks and a bloody nose that doesn’t stop bleeding no matter how much tissue you’ve stuffed up your nostrils! Your throat is constantly swollen and saw with a face slightly resembling a chipmunk, from forcing your hand down your throat to painfully purge away the food before your body digests it. Like going for meals? -Absolutely not. Even the thought of being asked sends you into panic mode. Can’t get rid of all the food in your stomach? well you are left with no other option but to put yourself through the pain of taking a tray of laxatives- excessive, I know. But it’s your own fault, you blame and shame yourself, disgusted as you look down at your bloated belly. You deserve to be in pain. God forbid anybody that even tries interacting with you at this point, so done with taking your anger out on yourself, now it’s time to take it out on anyone or anything that gets in your way. You target all your pain, stress, fear and anger on your poor parents. Treating them like absolute shit, you don’t realize at the time just how much this breaks their hearts.
Photography cred: Aimee Rose McGhee